Reasons for Broken Marriages
Every marriage does not culminate in being an ever-lasting, heavenly, beautiful affair. Sometimes the strands of the marital relationship just break off for reasons known and at times, unknown. I have seen a lot of couples struggling to save their marriage. Some tend to be successful in it, while others just fall apart. When this happens its aftermath exerts great maladies in the form of psychological imbalance, societal stereotypes, and physical discomfort and so on. The list is endless and the pain associated with it too. So what forces someone to break the marriage vows and move out?
Common reasons that lead to broken marriages:
- Lack of mutual understanding, support and trust
- Lack of compatibility
- Lack of mutual cooperation
- Lack of commitment and sense of responsibility
- Lack of communication and time
- Ego clashes
- Infidelity or breach of trust
- Marital expectations, abuse, marital rape and other such negative situations
- Inability to effectively cope with the stressors and pressures of marriage
- Third-person involvement and chaos/confusions/doubts related to it
- Continuous misbehavior with each other
- Marital crisis, physiological factors
- Inability to hold each other’s hands in disease or times of need
Whatever the reason of breaking the bond of marriage, it leads to a lot of physical, psychological, social, professional, familial and situational turmoil.
MENDING YOUR MARRIAGE
Firstly no matter who is or who was responsible for whatever transpired in your marriage, surely Love prevails. When people ask exactly how to reconcile with their spouse, we explain that it’s much more about the heart than the how. All conflicted couples experience traumatic triggers—unpleasant memories that unexpectedly surface and suck the life out of their relationship. Appropriately handling these traumatic triggers is one of the most effective ways God will accomplish this.
There are five heart attitudes that will help you build sturdy bridges of forgiveness and faith and let go of the past. Cultivating these attitudes will lead you to freedom. They will also serve as the support structure for the new bridges of faith you’ll build together. Each attitude is of equal importance.
- Try being mindful. Fostering and maintaining a healthy marriage require a conscious choice to cultivate a mindset of loyalty and devotion amid turbulent waters. When a relationship isn’t satisfying, it’s tempting to seek pleasure elsewhere. Make a conscious decision to remain faithful to God and your spouse in all areas of your life.
- Being Approachable. Let down your defenses. Encourage your spouse to come to you when a traumatic trigger gets activated. Be open to hearing your spouse’s opinions and feelings. Validate the pain and emotion he or she is experiencing by listening and asking clarifying questions. Listen more, talk less. Welcome the expression of your mate’s feelings, as difficult as it may be to hear them. Be aware of your body language at all times. Suspend judgment. Extend mercy.
- Extending Respect in the Relationship. Respect his sovereignty in every situation. Be flexible, open to change, and willing to try new things, even if they seem outside your comfort zone. God can do amazing things with a heart that is willing, submitted, forgiving, and obedient.
- Adopt Being Humble. Humility is a necessary prerequisite for extending and receiving forgiveness. It’s never easy to admit your mistakes or secrets, but humility and honesty stimulate mercy. Dancing around the subject because of pride or dishonesty may save face, but it will hinder true healing.
- Lastly be Conscious and Careful. Avoid making assumptions or judgments about your spouse’s motives, attitudes, or behaviors. It’s rather better to talk about the issue other than assuming. Choose appropriate times to discuss traumatic triggers (not in the heat of the moment, late at night, or when others are present). Treat his or her feelings and fears with respect and dignity, even if you don’t understand them.
LOOKING TO CREATE A LONG LASTING RELATIONSHIP? TRY THE FOLLOWING
- Fix Your Most Important Relationship and that’s with you. Your relationship with yourself is the only relationship you have complete control of. Take action to unpack your baggage, raise your self-esteem, and set SMART goals; so you can feel empowered and truly love yourself. Like attracts like, as you get healthier you’ll be attracted to a healthier person…and healthier people will be very attracted to you.
- Secondly Change Your Pattern And Make Better Choices. Decide EXACTLY what you want and need in a relationship, identify your past patterns, your personal deal-breakers, and create personal boundaries to aid you in choosing a great partner, then turning it into a healthy, lasting relationship. Everyone has issues, it’s a matter of managing your own and picking a person whose issues doesn’t clash with yours.
- Lastly Keep A Relationship Once You Find Someone. Everyone is insecure on some level and anxiety frequently gets in the way of a great initial connection. You need to stay grounded and think clearly when you’re feeling rejected, confused, angry, or emotional. Nothing changes if nothing changes. Take action to self-evaluate and decide you want better for yourself.
How to rejuvenate your relationship after cheating
Once a relationship has been scarred by infidelity, moving forward can be extremely difficult. Some couples may call it quits while others may be willing to give their relationship another chance. However, to make things work, both the unfaithful and the betrayed partner need to take a fresh start and put their best foot forward to repair and rebuild their relationship after cheating.
Keep Communication Open
Although healthy communication is vital to strengthen any relationship, it becomes absolutely necessary once someone’s trust has been broken. In such a situation, open and clear communication helps as it allows both partners to open up, talk honestly and share their feelings on the subject.
Try to Stay Present-Oriented
You and your partner need to make a conscious decision to become more present-oriented. This will help both sides to let go of the past and focus on nurturing the relationship that you share today. Apart from this, it is also very important to stay in the present and not bring up the past because it will hurt you more.
By rethinking your partner’s decision to cheat on you, it will not help you stay or think positively about them.
Acknowledge Your Mistake and Apologize Sincerely
To start the healing process, it’s important to admit that you did wrong. Sit with your partner and apologize to them sincerely. You need to recognize your mistake that caused your partner pain. You need to take full responsibility for your actions and show your willingness that you’ll never do it again.
Delete the third Party from Your Life
By this we mean, you need to cut off all kinds of communication with the other man or woman who you were involved with. This means no sex, no chatting, no phone calls, no texting or hangouts. You must cease all interactions with the person you cheated with. This is perhaps one of the best ways to assure your partner that you’ve ended your affair for good and you’re 100 percent committed to moving forward in the current relationship.
Please Allow Time to Heal
If you expect your partner to forgive you right away and act as nothing happened, then that’s unrealistic. You need to try hard to win back their affection and, at the same time, give them time to heal. Remember that forgiveness doesn’t happen instantly. After all, you violated moral codes. So, give some space to your partner to sink in all the information and see if they are actually willing to forgive you from deep down inside. It can take months and sometimes even a year before they forgive you. So, be patient and work harder than ever to regain their trust.
And Finally Accept Your Feelings but Don’t Make Rash Decisions
After finding out that your partner cheated, you’re likely to feel like you are on an emotional roller-coaster. Your mind will be flooded with emotions like agitation, depression, confusion, shock, pain, and fear. This happens because you know that after the act of infidelity, your relationship will not be the same.
However, if you still have feelings for your unfaithful partner, then you should be willing to forgive. Expect to have a mixture of feelings but the important thing is to make sure that you don’t make rash decisions like file for a divorce or cheat on them.
